Soaking it up

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With this baby girl due 4 months from now, I've been taking advantage of each and every day I spend with Lyla. It's hard to believe that she'll no longer be the baby. I could stare at her little face all day, and I have been as much as possible. I constantly notice myself lost in amazement of the little girl she's grown into in these short two and a half years. We've recently taken out her baby book again in order to help her further understand my pregnancy and what's to come when baby Hannah arrives, and it just floors me how fast the time has gone by. It's the advice I've heard from every parent that has crossed my path: enjoy it now, because before you know it they'll be all grown up. That was hard to believe in those first few months of getting no sleep, barely finding time to eat and shower, and watching the clock drag by. I used to think "GOOD, grow up already and let me sleep!"...but now? Now I cannot believe that she will be 3 years old this summer. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was pregnant with her? Giving birth to her? Using those little rubber spoons to feed her? Apparently not, since she can now carry on an entire conversation with you, use the potty, help me cook... So cudos, other advise-giving-mothers, IT'S TRUE.

It also makes me feel a bit crazy to be starting all over again. I now have a child who is nearly out of diapers and sleeping through the night; the two milestones I have been dreaming about since she was born. And now, just as life got a bit easier, we've signed ourselves up for those endless nights once again. On the brightside, I cannot wait to be doing it again, and just for that reason: again; I've done it before. I won't have those first time mommy-jitters, I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel of those long nights, I know the nursing will one day end and I can be free from the food-source-role that keeps you from doing nearly anything for yourself. "I know" ...this phrase has helped ease a lot of the nerves I get from doubling my child-load. Though every child will be different, at least this time I have some idea of what I'm doing, and will be able to just enjoy my children and watch them both grow together.

I cannot wait to add Hannah to our family, but for now, it's just me and my Lylagirl, and I'm soaking up every single moment. 

Making connections

I love where we live. The area is beautiful with all the beaches, playgrounds and parks to visit. My husband's family is wonderful, and have totally adopted me as their little lost puppy; seeing how I barely have any friends down here for myself, I can be a bit clingy. But lately, the fact that my friends and family are all over an hour away has had me down. Pregnancy hormones? Perhaps. But the first thought I have when my husband works or has plans is to hop in the car and make a Worcester trip for the day...which isn't helping me establish many friendships of my own down here. 

My only connections were co-workers from the job I just quit, and the mothers and their kids who I met at that job. I've stayed in touch with most of them, but they all have their own lives and friends here, and don't always have the time to squeeze in a coffee or playdate. It's great on the occasions we do see each other, especially for Lyla who now has virtually no child interaction since the Y, but nothing beats those life long friends who know your whole life story. 

So, this is my little pity-party blog about having a hard time adjusting to a new town after living in one place for 21 years, but I'm trying! And that's all I can say for now. 

Baby # 2!

After lots of consideration, we decided to try for a baby right after the wedding. Mrs fertile myrtle over here - it worked first try. The timing couldn't be better; we'll have a late Springtime baby, with Lyla just shy of 3 years old. Those first hell-ish 3 months will be done by the time the cool weather comes back around, and we can spend our time adjusting to being a family of 4 all through the summer. (It'll sure make those sleepless nights a lot easier to handle when we can wake up and go to the beach for the day!)
Now, for the less picture-perfect...this pregnancy has been an absolute nightmare. If a symptom exists, I've had it. I spent months 2&3 on the couch with 24 hour nausea. The medicine they gave me was drowsy and completely wiped me out. I can't eat anything without it setting my esophagus on fire, I get at least two headaches a day, leg cramps, back pain, you name it. And even now into my 4th month, I can go all day feeling fine and start vomiting at 11pm. I've had bleeding that has sent me to the hospital for Rho-Gam shots twice (thank you O Negative blood type) - which they give you in that really sensitive muscle in your behind. Just lovely. The good thing is that most of these symptoms are usually the sign of a very healthy baby, which so far, ours as been; strong heart beats and very active during ultra sounds.
Thank goodness for Eric - that is all I have to say. He has taken over the laundry, the dishes, Lyla care, everything. Tonight, he even told me he'd learn how to give me a good pedicure :)
In a little less than 3 weeks we find out whether this little trouble maker inside me is a little prince or princess. We already have names picked out, but they're top secret :-X Cannot wait to find out, and to hopefully continue to rid of these complications!


Until next time...
Grow belly, grow!

6 months

Today marks exactly 6 months since Ben has last seen Lyla. I know this, because due to future court happenings, I have been advised to keep track of absolutely everything; phone records, text messages, visitation...what a mess. He still blames me for not seeing her, even though he had had the option to drive down here any day of the week. But what's new about this time? Lyla actually doesn't remember him anymore.

Up until very recently, if she saw pictures of him, she would say "that's daddy!" or even if someone resembled him in the super market, she would ask "is that my daddy?" But the other day while looking through her baby book together, when the pages with Ben came up, she asked "Mommy, who is that?" ...I  wasn't sure how to feel. If I were to look ahead to the day where she didn't remember him, I would have assumed I'd be somewhat happy: Hooray he's finally deleted himself! But I didn't feel this way, I felt more sad, and above all, nervous for the random day he does decide to walk back into her life.

It is the most suffocating feeling to know that he hasn't seen her in half a year, and he would still have rights to come see her if he chose to do so. How scary for Lyla? Eric and I often talk about the day he'll come back, and how he will have to re-introduce himself to his own daughter, and ask if she remembers him. How would you feel as a parent? Failed, in my opinion. Luckily with the help of a new lawyer, the day where he does give a date in which he wishes to see her, we will then file to go back to court on a complaint for visitation, and hopefully be granted with full custody. But until then, it's this nerve wracking waiting game. Will he call today? Will he ask to see her soon? We can't control the future, which is a hard statement to swallow when you're looking our for your toddler's best interest.

Stay tuned...

The Story of Us: Everything Happens For A Reason

Four years ago, my friends and I turned 18. We could legally get piercings, tattoos, buy tobacco products, but most importantly (and coolest, clearly) was the fact that we were old enough to go dancing in night clubs.

So at least once a month for a short-lived time, we picked Providence, RI as a hot spot, got all dolled up, and thought we were just fabulous people leaving for our big night out at 10pm. We'd pass around a water bottle of vodka of some sort in the parking lot for a few minutes once we arrived, and attended the "Ladies Free" night at Club Hell, ready to dance.

We mainly stayed with each other, being pretty picky about which guys wanted to dance with us, and had a secret ambush dance to remove a friend from an uggo. On this particular night, I was in a new relationship, and tried to stick to my friends, until this one guy asked me to dance, and for some reason I said yes to him. Years later I'd know him to be Eric Dorschied. He was a respectful dancer, keeping his hands where they should be, and seemed really nice. So, at the end of the night when we all left, and he came racing down the sidewalk to ask for my number, I didn't see any harm. Maybe we could call him next time we came out this way, I thought. (What boyfriend?) He texted me later that night (or morning, at this point) and he was saved in my phone as "Club kid Eric".

The next day, this boyfriend of mine wasn't too happy with this phone number exchange, rightfully so I guess, and decided to take his number from my phone for his own use, and give Eric a few "kind words" later that evening. Needless to say, Eric and I stopped talking. That is until one year later, when this boyfriend of mine and I broke up, and my girls were planning another trip to Providence.

Heartbroken and on the rebound, I was in Maine with friends Michaela and Terri for the weekend while we planned our big night out yet again. Scrolling through my phone, I found "Club kid Eric". They coaxed me into texting him, vaguely remembering that he was good looking. Hey, why not? Probably the most awkward text message anyone has ever received. Something along the lines of: "Hey, this is Lauren. We met last year in Providence, I'm the one who's boyfriend was an asshole. Anyway, I came accross your number and decided to text you because my girls and I are going to Providence this weekend..." Turns out, not only did he have a girlfriend, but she was the one to receive this message, and wasn't too happy. He abruptly explained his relationship status, and that was that. Club kid Eric, deleted from contacts.

Then, a week or two later, I get a text from an unknown number. It was him! And now he, too, was single. Turns out, things with him and his girlfriend weren't as peachy as they seemed, and Eric literally went back and looked at his phone records, just to find my number. We had chatted about hanging out, but I started seeing Lyla's father, and Eric worked things out with his ex-girlfriend. But this time, we stayed in touch via AIM & Facebook.

Turns out we had a lot in common. We would chat about our daily activities, relationship problems, etc. We even talked about double dating at somepoint, but how do you explain that to your significant other? "We're gonna go hang out with some guy I met in a club a few years ago, cool?" ...probably not. So, our online friendship continued.

When I began having a hard time with Lyla's father, Eric actually encouraged me to stay with him. But clearly, that is not what happened, and once our split was final, Eric and I saw opportunity to finally hang out. Him and his girlfriend had broken up a few months before. I was excited to finally hang out, but not looking to date, so we talked about exercising together. I thought this was something healthy to do with a new friend. But as you all know, he swept me right off my feet and just over a year later, we're married.

All of this is crazy!! We talk about it literally everyday. "I can't believe I married club kid!" I say, and Eric follows with "I can't believe I married Greenbean", which was my AIM screen name at the time. Any minor detail of our story could have completely changed the outcome; what if one of us didn't go to the club that night? What if he didn't ask for my number? What if I had given him the wrong one? What if I didn't decide to text him back a year later? What if he never found my number again? Absolutely crazy. It blows my mind to think of all of this, and the fact that we are so happily married today. Everything happens for a reason, our relationship proves this.

Married!!

Hard to believe it's all finally over. All the planning, all the spending - our vows were made and our rings are on. I used to think that I wouldn't feel any different after being married; that I would feel the same for Eric regardless of a signed piece of paper and a couple of rings. But the truth is that I do feel different. Very different.

I don't think I've gone 5 minutes since the wedding without looking down at my rings. Not only are they beautiful, but it is a physical sign of the love Eric and I share for each other. Our engagement and our marriage, all on display on my left ring finger. And since Eric works full time and I do not have the opportunity to stare at his circle of love every few minutes, I glance at it any chance I get. "He's mine!' I think to myself. Awesome. Just awesome.

I assume this is what has been referred to by many as "the honeymoon phase", and if that's true then so be it. But for now, I'm enjoying the butterfly feeling I get everytime I see my husband return from work, just like I felt when he used to come over when we first started dating. I still feel every kiss in my toes. I choose my arguments more wisely now, knowing that sweating the small stuff just isn't worth it. Marriage is forever, and just as Father Pat made more than clear - this will not always be easy. The honeymoon phase will come to an end, and we will face many struggles throughout the years. But, this marriage is worth fighting for, which is exactly why we both willingly entered it.

It's here!

It's early. The overcast skies are hiding the sunrise, and the cool ocean breeze is dancing to the classical background music flowing from the laptop. My coffee is strong, as it should be, on a day like this where there are endless things to be done. Eric and Lyla are still fast alseep, where my nerves and excitement couldn't keep me under the covers longer than 6am.
It's here! Our last unmarried day. Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of our lives - once we get through the chaos and errands of today, that is. Can't complain though, when my list of "to-do's" for the day consist of exercising, blow drying my hair, and getting a mani-pedi with my bridesmaids. Life's tough, get a helmet, right? Then, it'll be off to the rehearsal and the dinner, followed by a girls night at the hotel, which hopefully consists of some sleep, seeing how we'll need to be up around 4am to begin getting ready.
Tomorrow morning, I'll link arms with my dad (Dadster!), and be lead down the aisle to Eric, eyes locked on his. It's the moment we've talked about for 10 months, and now it's merely hours away. Whether or not we'll cry, or whether or not I trip and fall on my face...we'll know in one short day. I'm ready to jump out of my skin now, I can't imagine how I will be tomorrow morning. Let's hope my hands aren't too shaky and I can manage that ring on Eric's finger.
I wish my grandparents could be there to share it with me, though. I feel blessed to have inherited my grandmother's ring, which I am honored to wear the rest of my life. It's a little piece of my paternal grandparents I will always carry with me. And I will always have the memories of my maternal grandparents, and I know they all will be there tomorrow.
It's here, it's here, it's here! Off to begin the day, see you when I'm a married woman, blogger.