The Story of Us: Everything Happens For A Reason

Four years ago, my friends and I turned 18. We could legally get piercings, tattoos, buy tobacco products, but most importantly (and coolest, clearly) was the fact that we were old enough to go dancing in night clubs.

So at least once a month for a short-lived time, we picked Providence, RI as a hot spot, got all dolled up, and thought we were just fabulous people leaving for our big night out at 10pm. We'd pass around a water bottle of vodka of some sort in the parking lot for a few minutes once we arrived, and attended the "Ladies Free" night at Club Hell, ready to dance.

We mainly stayed with each other, being pretty picky about which guys wanted to dance with us, and had a secret ambush dance to remove a friend from an uggo. On this particular night, I was in a new relationship, and tried to stick to my friends, until this one guy asked me to dance, and for some reason I said yes to him. Years later I'd know him to be Eric Dorschied. He was a respectful dancer, keeping his hands where they should be, and seemed really nice. So, at the end of the night when we all left, and he came racing down the sidewalk to ask for my number, I didn't see any harm. Maybe we could call him next time we came out this way, I thought. (What boyfriend?) He texted me later that night (or morning, at this point) and he was saved in my phone as "Club kid Eric".

The next day, this boyfriend of mine wasn't too happy with this phone number exchange, rightfully so I guess, and decided to take his number from my phone for his own use, and give Eric a few "kind words" later that evening. Needless to say, Eric and I stopped talking. That is until one year later, when this boyfriend of mine and I broke up, and my girls were planning another trip to Providence.

Heartbroken and on the rebound, I was in Maine with friends Michaela and Terri for the weekend while we planned our big night out yet again. Scrolling through my phone, I found "Club kid Eric". They coaxed me into texting him, vaguely remembering that he was good looking. Hey, why not? Probably the most awkward text message anyone has ever received. Something along the lines of: "Hey, this is Lauren. We met last year in Providence, I'm the one who's boyfriend was an asshole. Anyway, I came accross your number and decided to text you because my girls and I are going to Providence this weekend..." Turns out, not only did he have a girlfriend, but she was the one to receive this message, and wasn't too happy. He abruptly explained his relationship status, and that was that. Club kid Eric, deleted from contacts.

Then, a week or two later, I get a text from an unknown number. It was him! And now he, too, was single. Turns out, things with him and his girlfriend weren't as peachy as they seemed, and Eric literally went back and looked at his phone records, just to find my number. We had chatted about hanging out, but I started seeing Lyla's father, and Eric worked things out with his ex-girlfriend. But this time, we stayed in touch via AIM & Facebook.

Turns out we had a lot in common. We would chat about our daily activities, relationship problems, etc. We even talked about double dating at somepoint, but how do you explain that to your significant other? "We're gonna go hang out with some guy I met in a club a few years ago, cool?" ...probably not. So, our online friendship continued.

When I began having a hard time with Lyla's father, Eric actually encouraged me to stay with him. But clearly, that is not what happened, and once our split was final, Eric and I saw opportunity to finally hang out. Him and his girlfriend had broken up a few months before. I was excited to finally hang out, but not looking to date, so we talked about exercising together. I thought this was something healthy to do with a new friend. But as you all know, he swept me right off my feet and just over a year later, we're married.

All of this is crazy!! We talk about it literally everyday. "I can't believe I married club kid!" I say, and Eric follows with "I can't believe I married Greenbean", which was my AIM screen name at the time. Any minor detail of our story could have completely changed the outcome; what if one of us didn't go to the club that night? What if he didn't ask for my number? What if I had given him the wrong one? What if I didn't decide to text him back a year later? What if he never found my number again? Absolutely crazy. It blows my mind to think of all of this, and the fact that we are so happily married today. Everything happens for a reason, our relationship proves this.

Married!!

Hard to believe it's all finally over. All the planning, all the spending - our vows were made and our rings are on. I used to think that I wouldn't feel any different after being married; that I would feel the same for Eric regardless of a signed piece of paper and a couple of rings. But the truth is that I do feel different. Very different.

I don't think I've gone 5 minutes since the wedding without looking down at my rings. Not only are they beautiful, but it is a physical sign of the love Eric and I share for each other. Our engagement and our marriage, all on display on my left ring finger. And since Eric works full time and I do not have the opportunity to stare at his circle of love every few minutes, I glance at it any chance I get. "He's mine!' I think to myself. Awesome. Just awesome.

I assume this is what has been referred to by many as "the honeymoon phase", and if that's true then so be it. But for now, I'm enjoying the butterfly feeling I get everytime I see my husband return from work, just like I felt when he used to come over when we first started dating. I still feel every kiss in my toes. I choose my arguments more wisely now, knowing that sweating the small stuff just isn't worth it. Marriage is forever, and just as Father Pat made more than clear - this will not always be easy. The honeymoon phase will come to an end, and we will face many struggles throughout the years. But, this marriage is worth fighting for, which is exactly why we both willingly entered it.

It's here!

It's early. The overcast skies are hiding the sunrise, and the cool ocean breeze is dancing to the classical background music flowing from the laptop. My coffee is strong, as it should be, on a day like this where there are endless things to be done. Eric and Lyla are still fast alseep, where my nerves and excitement couldn't keep me under the covers longer than 6am.
It's here! Our last unmarried day. Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of our lives - once we get through the chaos and errands of today, that is. Can't complain though, when my list of "to-do's" for the day consist of exercising, blow drying my hair, and getting a mani-pedi with my bridesmaids. Life's tough, get a helmet, right? Then, it'll be off to the rehearsal and the dinner, followed by a girls night at the hotel, which hopefully consists of some sleep, seeing how we'll need to be up around 4am to begin getting ready.
Tomorrow morning, I'll link arms with my dad (Dadster!), and be lead down the aisle to Eric, eyes locked on his. It's the moment we've talked about for 10 months, and now it's merely hours away. Whether or not we'll cry, or whether or not I trip and fall on my face...we'll know in one short day. I'm ready to jump out of my skin now, I can't imagine how I will be tomorrow morning. Let's hope my hands aren't too shaky and I can manage that ring on Eric's finger.
I wish my grandparents could be there to share it with me, though. I feel blessed to have inherited my grandmother's ring, which I am honored to wear the rest of my life. It's a little piece of my paternal grandparents I will always carry with me. And I will always have the memories of my maternal grandparents, and I know they all will be there tomorrow.
It's here, it's here, it's here! Off to begin the day, see you when I'm a married woman, blogger.

Why Get Married?

Although most have been overly supportive and excited about this marriage that is now 2 days away, there have been the stray few who have asked the question "why get married?" along with the "don't do it" cards in our words of wisdom box.

Maybe marriage isn't for everyone, or, maybe those in relationships who couldn't see themselves getting married just don't feel the way we do. I recently told a friend who was upset about having to miss our wedding shower due to a romantic getaway weekend with his girlfriend, that if he feels for her even a fraction of what I feel for Eric, that he needs to go, and that I understood. Having been in 4 long-term relationships before Eric, I understand the difference bewteen that cliche line "love but not in love", and the difference is huge. We often talk about how we thought we were in love before each other, and that once we met, it was like there was no such thing as love before us.

I am not afraid to be "in a relationship with a contract" as some have discribed marriage, because to me it is an honor. Someone loves me so much that they are willing to give themself to me; they're signing up to never give up, to work through every problem, to be there for each other in good times and in bad. So no, I'm no scared. I'm excited to see what the future has in store for us. To see what arguments we will get in and how we overcome them, and then, to look back on them and laugh at what probably was so small in the grand scheme of things. It's a comfort to know that I love someone more than I have loved anyone, and that he feels the same. And that there is no easy way out. We are leaving ourselves with no choice but to work through even the hardest of times, and come out stronger and even more deeply in love.

I hope that everyone has the chance to feel this way in their lives, and then maybe they will feel like marriage is for them. They won't be scared that there's no way out, and that it's forever - they'll feel comforted by it. I look forward to spending my life with you, Eric Dorschied, and in 2 days we will vow just this :)

Love for my Little

I don't think that you ever stop worrying as a mom. When Lyla first came home, I was worried that she wasn't eating enough, and that she was changed enough, and to make sure she was put to sleep on her back. I remember if she went 2 hours without waking up I would spring out of bed, right to her cribside, to be sure she was still breathing. And now, 2 years later, I still do this.

Go figure, my kiddo can finally sleep through the night, and instead of enjoying the 8 hours I've been craving since pregnancy, I'm awake. During the night I always pause to make sure her monitor is loud enough to hear. I worry that she may finally discover how to climb out of bed, or accidentally get wrapped up in her sheets and blankets. Being a mother is terrifying!!

While preparing for out wedding and honeymoon, I discovered that I'm one of those routine-moms while writing out Lyla's daily foods and activities for our sitters. I think I gave at least 5 food options for every mealtime, noted her favorite books, songs, cuddly things, etc. And mind you, it's her aunt and grandmother who she will be staying with - people who I'm sure know these things. But nevertheless, I wrote them down.

I cannot wait till I hear that small cry come over the monitor every morning so I can go in and give her a big smooch, and listen to her point out different things around her room: "look mommy, those my creams and powders for my bum!" ...that's one of my favorites. I hope I can find some time to relax and enjoy Cancun, because I know I'm going to be anxious to get home and see my squishy <3

Fear of Flying

It's amazing how becoming a mother has the ability to change your views on nearly everything. For instance, before we booked our honeymoon in Cancun, I had never had a fear of flying; if the plane went down before, it was just me. But now? The plane goes down, or I go missing in Mexico, and my daughter's life will change dramatically. And although these are far-fetched fears, it's hard to do anything that would even have a 1% chance of putting my child's life through such turmoil; mainly because it seems no matter what I write in my will, or how hard my family fights, she will end up with her biological father, Ben. The thought of this nearly caused me to forget the honeymoon all together.

It's so unfair, that although he has wished to give up his rights, and although he hasn't seen her in nearly 4 months, that because she is simply biologically linked to him, he gets rights over anyone else in our family who sees her daily; who knows the things she likes and how she acts. Who knows her favorite songs, books, and games. Who knows HER. And for this, I think our court system is pretty (bleepin) messed up. How is it in my daughter's best interest to be put in day care all day everyday while he works his 60 hour/week shifts? Or to be raised in a household where 24 hour tv and smoking are okay? I'll tell you right now, if anything does happen to me and he gets her, I will be rolling in my grave.

As a mother I feel that no one will ever be good enough for my girl. Hell, even sometimes I don't feel like I'm good enough for her. But I do all I can to make sure she's eating healthy, read to daily, plays outside, watches limited tv, and also has down time. I guess I feel that no one will put in such an effort with her since they will never be her mother, and I know that a life with Ben will mean junk food, no bed time, and the tv-babysitter.

But regardless, we leave for cancun in 17 days, because I know I can't live my life in fear. Though it has definitely taken away from some of the excitement I should be feeling to have quality time with my new husband in a different country. And even if it doesn't do anything in the long run, I do plan to write a will. And I do hope that all my friends and family, if the worst is to happen, will fight to the death for that child. She deserves nothing but the best.