2nd baby nerves

A lot about being pregnant for a 2nd time calms me: the fact that I've done this before sets my mind at ease, and raising Lyla has shown me that there is the light at the end of several tunnels - the newborn phase, nursing phase, terrible 2 phase...you get the picture. However, the unfamiliar - doubling my child load - is scaring me a bit more as my due date quickly approaches.

I think I worry most about me and Eric. When I feel this way, I tend to think I'm crazy since I've done it before with someone who I wasn't in love with and who didn't give me nearly as much support as Eric does. However, I see how the two of us can get when we get minimal sleep; it's not pretty. Not much gets done with two grumpy parents and a needy toddler. Now throw a newborn into the mix? No longer will we wonder if Lyla will have a rough night, but be sure of the fact that we'll be woken every couple of hours. On top of that, Eric will have to go to work full time on that same minimal sleep, and come home to 2 kids who crave some one-on-one attention, while I stay at home and try to fit Hannah's needs into Lyla's schedule, and keep us all as sane as possible. The good thing is that Eric and I talk about this fear frequently. All we can do is plan for the worst and hope for the best. We talk about being aware of the other persons exhaustion and not just our own, which is easier said than done when he walks through the door and all I want is his help, when all he wants is a 10 minute break from his long day.
Eric has also recently taken a test to be a corrections officer; after years of being laid off every few months as an electrician, he wants a steadier job. This one offers an amazing pension, pay, and benefits. The hours he'll likely receive on the other hand...not so amazing. It's nearly guaranteed that he will be working nights and weekend shifts. So, he will be around more during the day, but for most of that time he will be sleeping, and when it comes time for me to sleep (or get little of...) he won't be there to coach me through those frustrating nights or help with Lyla - who still loves to wake up at least once for a sip of water. I'm not sure how I'll handle doing it all on my own at night; it's much easier during the day when I can have strong coffee to keep me going, not so easy when you're functioning half asleep and juggling 2 children. Fortunately (for me), it can take up to a year for him to land a job there, and if this is the case I'm sure I'll feel confident in a schedule at that time, and be less nervous to handle the household alone come nighttime. Otherwise, it'll be survival mode for me!

I also worry about Lyla. I worry that my exhaustion will leave me less tolerant of her; my usual tactics of talking her through her temper tantrums and explaining "why" to her a thousand times may turn into ordering more time outs. I also worry about her reaction to the baby. So far, all she talks about is being mommy's helper with the baby, and being able to teach her to walk, talk, and share toys. But when reality sets in that she went from getting all of mommy's attention to half, I worry how things may be. She will act more needy, possibly regress in the potty-training department, who knows. And me, with the little sleep I'll be getting, will probably be stretching my patience level pretty thin. The last thing I want is for her to resent her sister because of how mommy's been acting since her birth.
All I can do is prepare for the worst; a method I used when I was pregnant with Lyla. I told myself she would never sleep (ever), would always cry, would have trouble eating - any negative thought about newborns I burned into my head as the only way it was going to go. This may sound horrible, but I think it made my entrance to parenthood a bit easier. When Lyla did have especially rough nights, or experienced a bit of colic, I was prepared for it. And when she was a sweet little baby, sleeping, cooing, smiling...I appreciated it even more. I turned out pretty lucky with Lyla because she was a fairly easy baby. But, knowing that every child is different, I've decided to stick to my "newborns are the worst" mind set this time, too. All the same thoughts I had with Lyla, with the added "Lyla will start to wake more often during the night" and "Eric will get put on the night shift the day after I have the baby". At least I'll be prepared.

Realistically, I know we'll be okay. It won't be easy and it will be a huge adjustment going from one to two. I also know that no matter how many parents I talk to or how many books I read, nothing can prepare me for the arrival of this baby until she's actually here. So, I'm walking into having two children blind, but with a plan: I plan to keep Lyla's schedule as normal as possible, and make Hannah's adjustments accordingly. After all, Lyla IS the one with the schedule, and Hannah is not. I plan to do all the same things with Lyla that I do now, like trips to the library, cooking dinner, reading books and tubby-time. And when she starts school in the fall, I will have my one-on-one time with little-miss. Hopefully Eric and I will learn to manage 2 children, and each other, on little sleep, and remain strong by talking through everything. We really do have a great marriage and I am lucky for that. Despite these nerves and fears, I look forward to watching our family grow.