Attitude is everything - a saying that I've heard countless times from countless sources, but oh how true it is. You truly are in full control of your mind, and it's funny how a change of attitude can completely alter your outlook.
Nearly 3 years ago when I began realizing how unhappy I was with Lyla's father, the thought of leaving plagued my mind with nothing but negative thoughts. "I'll have to move back home" "I'll have to do it all on my own" - these thoughts kept me there longer than I wanted to be. Until one day it just clicked - "I gotta do it" I told myself. From that day forward, that's exactly what I did - moved forward and just did what I had to do. I never sulked in how much more difficult things may have temporarily been, because this was my decision and I simply had to do what I had to do.
Fast forward 3 years when my husband is changing careers, and I'm put back into a similar mindset situation. When Eric began the application process to become a CO, I pretty much put the thought on the back burner, knowing that it took months - even up to a year - for the process to be completed. As paperwork and tests slowly but surely were checked off the list, reality started to come into play. I was totally and utterly negative about the whole thing. Knowing he'd be low on the totem pole, working nights and weekends, and commuting at least 30 minutes each way daily, SUCKED. It was hard to think of having our nightly family dinners and time together after the girls were in bed, come to an end.
An end of the year budget put a temporary freeze on the hiring, and we didn't know how long it would last. But then Eric got the call that he had been accepted into the academy. The excitement in his voice was infectious. I knew right then and there I had to stop thinking of myself, thinking of what would be harder, and simply be a supportive wife, and change my attitude. This change became much easier when we found out his academy would be second shift, allowing time for my exercise in the morning (no more headlamp night runs!), and having Eric home with us for 2 meals instead of 1, even if he would miss dinner. I also focused on the extra time I could have with Lyla after Hannah was in bed - time that was preciously mine and Eric's before, that I could now put to use giving Lyla a little TLC; reading books, chatting in bed, or watching a show. And, for the first time since Hannah has been born, this schedule will buy me back a little "me" time. I can go to bed at 7pm with my kids if I want, and not feel guilty about missing out on time with hubby, I can pick up a book for the first time in months, watch a movie, or simply catch up on stuff around the apartment that I never seem to get to. You don't realize how precious time is until you have kids, and even more so once you have two. It may seem like these are small things to get excited about, but it's enough to fuel a positive mindset to create my own happiness and be there for my husband.
So yes, dinner-bath-bed time are mine to tackle alone, and the endless task of getting Hannah to bed, and back to bed, and back to bed again, are mine as well. But I'm up to the challenge, and that same empowering feeling I had 3 years ago... I just gotta do it.
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