My friend Joanna came to visit for lunch this afternoon, and being able to catch up with her was amazing. However, I found myself throwing the same pity-party I've been having about feeling homesick once she went home.
Joanna and I became close when I was about 7 months pregnant with Lyla. She is my close friend Michaela's older sister, and when I moved into my first apartment, she lived upstairs. We quickly developed a friendship by chatting during these long walks we'd go on, and she was a great help once little Lyla was born - she was the reason I was able to shower. Couldn't have made it through those first several months without her!
When she walked through the door this afternoon, we immediately picked up where we had left off; catching up on work, relationships, future plans, etc. It was nice to just be myself for a change and talk to someone as me, Lauren: the friend, mother, and story teller I always have been, instead of the new girl. This all made me realize that as much as I am looking forward to creating a life for myself here in Fairhaven, that I really just miss those old friends who already know your stories, and who can share anything with you. And of course I also realize that as I make new friends, these qualities will all be found in them in time, too. Just getting there is so difficult.
I still have all my "old friends", of course. But it's the fact that they can't swing by for a quick visit, or grab a cup of coffee that has me feeling so far away. Now visits have to be planned way in advance, and are usually a day long event - which, is fine, but it's not the same as knowing they're down the street, either.
Eric, being the supportive husband that he is, has talked to me several times about moving to Worcester together, but it's me who really wants to give Fairhaven a chance. I fear that if I were to run back home, I'd never leave. Not that it would be the end of the world to buy a house and raise my children in or near Worcester, but I would feel like I failed at moving away. Not to mention, Worcester isn't what is used to be anymore; all my close friends have moved away to Boston or other surrounding areas for school or work, my dad is back to working part time, and my mother moved to Maine. So, even though I would have the comfort of being familiar with the city, that's pretty much it. Although, it IS where all my friends would come home for holidays and family visits...(my head loves to play this vollyball game...)
So, we have decided that I will give Fairhaven a fair chance; I'll give it a couple years. Lyla will be in school, allowing me to interact with more parents, I will hopefully be working, allowing me to socialize with coworkers, and it will give me more time to get established. And if after all that, it's still a struggle, when it comes time to buying a home, we may look back towards Worcester. I could have more job opportunities there since I know more people, and I would have more free-day-care options, too. So, we'll see. Only time will tell.
But for now, it was fabulous to catch up with an old friend, even if it did leave me missing home a bit more.
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