Admittedly, one of my newest and most favorite reality TV shows is Guiliana & Bill - a show that follows the life of a famous married couple through hardships of work, infertility, pregnancy loss, breast cancer, and true love. This couple is always leaving me in amazement of their ability to work through things, and treat each other with the love and respect that a marriage deserves. People have called them "the perfect couple" and it's not hard to see why after watching their show. I've even begun reading their book: I do, Now What? - loaded with advice on how to keep things fresh after vows are exchanged. And, being a newly wed, this is all of great interest to me. However, watching their show and reading their book has made me realize some hard facts that I think more couples need to open their eyes to.
You are you, and your spouse is your spouse. Plain and simple. I feel so lucky to be able to watch such a role model couple grow on national television, and know that I share a lot of that same amazement within my own marriage - but at times it can make me wish, too. I find myself thinking things like "I wish I could react that calmly" or "I wish Eric would do that" but these thoughts are not fair. The husband, Bill, on the show seems like the most cool, calm & collected man on this planet - never raising his voice or getting overworked. My husband on the other hand has enough testosterone to make up for the fact that he will soon be out numbered 3 to 1 in this house with the arrival of baby Hannah in June. And because of this, he may overreact to things I wish he didn't, or respond in a way that is not favorable. But that's who he is, and being his wife, it is my job to not only accept him for who HE is, but to talk to him about it. And the wife, Guiliana, is constantly putting herself aside for her hubby, no matter how hard she worked that day or how tired she is, he always comes first. This is something I find myself struggling with being 8 months pregnant and chasing a 2 1/2 year old around all day. When Eric gets home from work, I have to remind myself that he, too, is tired and in need of a break. And yet if I ever find him relaxing, I resent him for it. "How dare he sit down when I've yet to be able to?" When realistically, I got to nap when Lyla did, got to sit down while we read books together, and lay down while Dr. Lyla fixed my "broken weg". These are times I love to reflect on the show and book for support. It's helpful to have such a strong couple to look at for advice when I find myself if a moment of weakness. It gives me the ability to think before reacting, and in turn, allows me to be a better wife.
It's also helped to tell myself that things like the laundry, dishes, cleaning, and caring for (soon to be) 2 children is MY job - just like Eric goes to work everyday, so do I. So, when Eric gets home and empties his lunch box into the sink that I had JUST cleaned, I can resent him a little less, knowing that it's more or less my job to take care of those little things, so he can have some down time after work. It's also a good feeling to know that my husband is coming home to a clean house, with his laundry folded and put away, a meal plan ready to go for dinner, and a wife who cares about him more than anything. A stay at home mom's job is to take care of the family, and being able to to that with a clear head is the best feeling. I'm not Guiliana and Eric is not Bill, but it doesn't hurt to look to them and their healthy marriage for guidance when we are both so exhausted that all we can think of is ourselves, instead of each other. And yes, I know it's a reality tv show and that no couple is perfect, but if it helps me be a more supportive wife then why not have marriage role models in my life? Eric and I both come from divorced families (not only our parents, but siblings, aunts, cousins...you name it) so seeing those who make it work is definitely something I look up to and help build a foundation for a better marriage.
This foundation has to be a marriage for us, however, and not based on the blue print of someone else's life. Like I had previously stated, Eric and I are our own people, with different personalities, different tendencies, and different approached and beliefs than any other couple out there. It would be unfair to live our lives based on someone else's. I'm sure those personal chefs, paid vacations, and abundance of money certainly helps take some of the stress off of a marriage ;) So, we do what's best for us, with a little guidance along the way, and even though we're only 8 months in, our marriage has only grown in those 8 months, and I cannot wait to watch it unfold over the years.
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