Having an Advantage

My previous post about relationship comparison sparked a conversation between Eric and I about different life styles, which lead to discussing parenthood and the advantage we may have over other couples.

Eric came into my life when Lyla was 11 months old, and quite obviously because of this, he has always known me as a mother. He had the advantage of seeing how I parent, and also see my availability (or at times, lack there of) to him on top of caring for my baby. I also had an advantage in this situation: I got to see Eric in action with Lyla. As our relationship grew and we became engaged, Eric's role with Lyla went from playful pal to respectable father figure. This was such an attractive quality because I was a package deal; I could have dated the perfect man for me, but if he wasn't good with my daughter he was getting the boot. Not to mention, the 10 month span where Eric and I were engaged & Eric became more of a disciplinary in Lyla's life, it served as a window into out lives together: could he really handle being thrown into the life of a husband and father figure all at once? From the very beginning of our relationship, we were forced to find time together after putting Lyla first. This may sound like a burden, but I truly do consider it an advantage.

Tonight, we were discussing how different our lives would have been without Lyla: I'd be working full time, we'd be going out more often, on dates more often, and not be shuffling whose turn it is for bath time. This may sound ideal, but I disagree. Having had Lyla, we built our relationship around parenthood - one of the most important aspects to any relationship in want of children. We were able to surpass the "shock factor". We didn't have to make the life style change from going out to staying in, sleeping in to up all night. I didn't have to watch my husband go from energetic and caring to exhausted and short tempered. He didn't have to watch me go from out-all-night to nursing all night. There was no arguing about how things "used to be" before baby. These were all things we were both immediately aware of given our situation, and allowed us to build our relationship and marriage on this knowledge. Eric was made aware of my parenting preferences, and although we don't always agree, he helps me raise Lyla with the same understanding and expectations that I have. This diffuses any arguments couples may have over differnt parenting methods, and paves the way for raising our future child.

Although Eric wasn't around for the newborn stage with Lyla, at least we have the advantage of the fact that one of us has gone through it. I've spent this pregnancy sharing stories of when Lyla was first born, as well as the hardships of her first several months. And even though each child will be different, I'm hoping that the fact that we, together, have been parental figures from the get-go will only help us with the arrival of our baby girl. It'll still be a shock for us both, going from one to two; from an easy going toddler to a needy newborn, but with the experience we have and the support from one another, I'm confident in us.