Honesty

I attended a wedding with my mom and dad for a family friend when I was younger, and as with most weddings there was a fair share of alcoholic beverages being served throughout the reception. At this age, I began to realize that alcohol wasn't a good thing, and became very concerned with when and how much my parents drank. I asked my mom how many glasses of wines she had, and she gave me her usual "2 glasses" response. But when I asked my dad, I'll never forget that instead of lying or ignoring the question, he put down his beer and held up 6 fingers. I'll never forget how I felt that moment - I felt respected because I knew my father was being honest with me. There wasn't even a hint of anger at the fact that he was more than likely intoxicated after those 6 beers, because at that point all that mattered to me was his honesty. 

I tell this story often when honesty comes up in conversation, and I'll never forget how good it made me feel to have been told the truth - and how terrible it feels to be lied to. Lyla's father lied to me often, from where he was going to smoking cigarettes. It was the worst feeling, and I felt myself often sneaking around checking his phone, facebook, or peeking through the curtain when he took the trash out. I hated it, and often hated what I found even more. What's worse, is that even when he was caught in a lie, he would pile lies on top of it to try and get himself out of it, when all he truly did was dig himself a bigger hole. What he never understood, and what I explained time after time again, was that no matter how upset I would be at the choices he made, I will always be 10x's more upset if he lied about it. I constantly had my guard up, and often felt disrespected. It was not a good way to feel in a relationship. 

I take these feeling into consideration daily in both my marriage and my parenting. Yes, I'll still tell my children that there is a Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny, which yes, is technically lying, but I'll take the blame for that later to give them a magical childhood now. But as far as lying to Eric goes, I can't even use his razor without feeling guilty and the need to tell him - which he never cares about, but I'd feel wrong or like I was sneaking around if I didn't mention it. And that's just with the use of a razor blade. I can't imagine ever seriously lying or hiding something from him. I always want him to have the feeling of respect that I felt from my dad that day at the wedding throughout our entire marriage, and never want him to feel betrayed through my dishonesty. I think our honesty is one of the major factors of our marriage's happiness. We speak our minds truthfully, which can sometimes lead to tiffs and arguments, but they are resolved within minutes with each of us respecting the other. Respect and honesty come hand-in-hand, and I am grateful to have that every day with Eric. 

I believe that our honesty with each other will set good examples for our girls, too. I experienced sneakiness and lying throughout parts of my childhood, and even when I wasn't directly involved, I knew it was wrong and it left me feeling uneasy. I'd rather have my children see Eric and I express our honesty with each other, even if that means directly dealing with a problem rather than taking the easy way out to ignore it. It will only show them the love we have for each other and how important respect and honesty are. I've seen lots of couples choose to not approach a subject or attack a problem because they want to "keep the peace", but it seems to always build up and surface at one point or another - usually in uncontrolled outbursts, which are harder to work through and can be much more damaging - especially to eavesdropping children. If something is bothering me, Eric is the first person I want to go to, even if he is part of the cause. Who wants to keep something in when talking it through will only make you feel better and strengthen your relationship? I feel best about our marriage after we overcome a problem - I feel confident, loved, and stronger afterwards. It reflects on our children, too, to be able to see us work through things as parents so comfortably and efficiently together.  I can only hope that they will find it just as important and apply it to relationships in their lives - both with us as parents, friends, and future relationships (yikes!) 

If you really love someone, show them with honesty; from expressing something that they may have done to upset you, to admitting that you may have looked through their emails. The honest relationships will always come out on top.