It's here!

It's early. The overcast skies are hiding the sunrise, and the cool ocean breeze is dancing to the classical background music flowing from the laptop. My coffee is strong, as it should be, on a day like this where there are endless things to be done. Eric and Lyla are still fast alseep, where my nerves and excitement couldn't keep me under the covers longer than 6am.
It's here! Our last unmarried day. Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of our lives - once we get through the chaos and errands of today, that is. Can't complain though, when my list of "to-do's" for the day consist of exercising, blow drying my hair, and getting a mani-pedi with my bridesmaids. Life's tough, get a helmet, right? Then, it'll be off to the rehearsal and the dinner, followed by a girls night at the hotel, which hopefully consists of some sleep, seeing how we'll need to be up around 4am to begin getting ready.
Tomorrow morning, I'll link arms with my dad (Dadster!), and be lead down the aisle to Eric, eyes locked on his. It's the moment we've talked about for 10 months, and now it's merely hours away. Whether or not we'll cry, or whether or not I trip and fall on my face...we'll know in one short day. I'm ready to jump out of my skin now, I can't imagine how I will be tomorrow morning. Let's hope my hands aren't too shaky and I can manage that ring on Eric's finger.
I wish my grandparents could be there to share it with me, though. I feel blessed to have inherited my grandmother's ring, which I am honored to wear the rest of my life. It's a little piece of my paternal grandparents I will always carry with me. And I will always have the memories of my maternal grandparents, and I know they all will be there tomorrow.
It's here, it's here, it's here! Off to begin the day, see you when I'm a married woman, blogger.

Why Get Married?

Although most have been overly supportive and excited about this marriage that is now 2 days away, there have been the stray few who have asked the question "why get married?" along with the "don't do it" cards in our words of wisdom box.

Maybe marriage isn't for everyone, or, maybe those in relationships who couldn't see themselves getting married just don't feel the way we do. I recently told a friend who was upset about having to miss our wedding shower due to a romantic getaway weekend with his girlfriend, that if he feels for her even a fraction of what I feel for Eric, that he needs to go, and that I understood. Having been in 4 long-term relationships before Eric, I understand the difference bewteen that cliche line "love but not in love", and the difference is huge. We often talk about how we thought we were in love before each other, and that once we met, it was like there was no such thing as love before us.

I am not afraid to be "in a relationship with a contract" as some have discribed marriage, because to me it is an honor. Someone loves me so much that they are willing to give themself to me; they're signing up to never give up, to work through every problem, to be there for each other in good times and in bad. So no, I'm no scared. I'm excited to see what the future has in store for us. To see what arguments we will get in and how we overcome them, and then, to look back on them and laugh at what probably was so small in the grand scheme of things. It's a comfort to know that I love someone more than I have loved anyone, and that he feels the same. And that there is no easy way out. We are leaving ourselves with no choice but to work through even the hardest of times, and come out stronger and even more deeply in love.

I hope that everyone has the chance to feel this way in their lives, and then maybe they will feel like marriage is for them. They won't be scared that there's no way out, and that it's forever - they'll feel comforted by it. I look forward to spending my life with you, Eric Dorschied, and in 2 days we will vow just this :)

Love for my Little

I don't think that you ever stop worrying as a mom. When Lyla first came home, I was worried that she wasn't eating enough, and that she was changed enough, and to make sure she was put to sleep on her back. I remember if she went 2 hours without waking up I would spring out of bed, right to her cribside, to be sure she was still breathing. And now, 2 years later, I still do this.

Go figure, my kiddo can finally sleep through the night, and instead of enjoying the 8 hours I've been craving since pregnancy, I'm awake. During the night I always pause to make sure her monitor is loud enough to hear. I worry that she may finally discover how to climb out of bed, or accidentally get wrapped up in her sheets and blankets. Being a mother is terrifying!!

While preparing for out wedding and honeymoon, I discovered that I'm one of those routine-moms while writing out Lyla's daily foods and activities for our sitters. I think I gave at least 5 food options for every mealtime, noted her favorite books, songs, cuddly things, etc. And mind you, it's her aunt and grandmother who she will be staying with - people who I'm sure know these things. But nevertheless, I wrote them down.

I cannot wait till I hear that small cry come over the monitor every morning so I can go in and give her a big smooch, and listen to her point out different things around her room: "look mommy, those my creams and powders for my bum!" ...that's one of my favorites. I hope I can find some time to relax and enjoy Cancun, because I know I'm going to be anxious to get home and see my squishy <3

Fear of Flying

It's amazing how becoming a mother has the ability to change your views on nearly everything. For instance, before we booked our honeymoon in Cancun, I had never had a fear of flying; if the plane went down before, it was just me. But now? The plane goes down, or I go missing in Mexico, and my daughter's life will change dramatically. And although these are far-fetched fears, it's hard to do anything that would even have a 1% chance of putting my child's life through such turmoil; mainly because it seems no matter what I write in my will, or how hard my family fights, she will end up with her biological father, Ben. The thought of this nearly caused me to forget the honeymoon all together.

It's so unfair, that although he has wished to give up his rights, and although he hasn't seen her in nearly 4 months, that because she is simply biologically linked to him, he gets rights over anyone else in our family who sees her daily; who knows the things she likes and how she acts. Who knows her favorite songs, books, and games. Who knows HER. And for this, I think our court system is pretty (bleepin) messed up. How is it in my daughter's best interest to be put in day care all day everyday while he works his 60 hour/week shifts? Or to be raised in a household where 24 hour tv and smoking are okay? I'll tell you right now, if anything does happen to me and he gets her, I will be rolling in my grave.

As a mother I feel that no one will ever be good enough for my girl. Hell, even sometimes I don't feel like I'm good enough for her. But I do all I can to make sure she's eating healthy, read to daily, plays outside, watches limited tv, and also has down time. I guess I feel that no one will put in such an effort with her since they will never be her mother, and I know that a life with Ben will mean junk food, no bed time, and the tv-babysitter.

But regardless, we leave for cancun in 17 days, because I know I can't live my life in fear. Though it has definitely taken away from some of the excitement I should be feeling to have quality time with my new husband in a different country. And even if it doesn't do anything in the long run, I do plan to write a will. And I do hope that all my friends and family, if the worst is to happen, will fight to the death for that child. She deserves nothing but the best.

Single Digits Tomorrow!

In 10 days at this time, I'll be getting all dolled up; hair and makeup, lingerie, shoes and the dress. Our flowers will be delivered, photographer will arrive, and I'll make my final drive to the church as Lauren Greenslit.

It's crazy to think how fast it came; way back in November when we became engaged, 10 months seemed like forever-away...and now it's in 10 DAYS.

Over the past few weeks, RSVPs arrived daily, and we were disappointed with how many non-responses there were. Especially when we found out those no-shows were because of work, or games. C'man, really? You've known for 10 months and all of a sudden you can't get work off? Or miss a game? It said a lot to us about certain people, and we had our choice words about it and moved on with our love for one another and focused on the importance of our big day.

That's all it should really be about anyway - love. I actually hate the fact that I have some big expensive dress I'll wear once, and that I have to worry about how my hair and make up will come out, or consider other people's feelings when it comes to the music choices made or the food we've prepared. Aren't we missing the big picture here? People go to weddings because they want to be in the presence of true love, and also, to support those who have been lucky enough to find it. Everything else is icing on the cake.

As the next ten days both drag and fly by, I look forward with anticipation of God's greatest gift. And we feel lucky to have those we love and are close to there to celebrate with us.

"Love is patient, love is kind
It is not jealous, is not pompous,
it is not infalted, it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrong doing
but rejoices with truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails."

Wedding Jitters

Well, the countdown continues: 18 days until Eric and I become husband and wife. RSVP cards are coming in by the day, and I'm sure to be developing a case of arthritis after hand-writing each seating card and thank-you note. Together forever in just over 2 weeks.
...Forever!? This word, along with "life-long" threw me in the cold feet direction the other night as Eric and I read our words of wisdom cards from our wedding shower. My fear didn't come from thinking I couldn't do it, but that our focus is on the near future; the wedding, children, a house, vacations...all the luxuries of marriage and family. Reality check, please?
Eric and I then spent the night discussing our future beyond this dream world. How will we handle the stress of adding to our family? How will we be able to work, be parents, and still find the energy and time to make each other happy? How will we handle 60+ years of ups and downs, arguments, and hard times? Especially when we don't see divorce as an option. There's no way out; the only way to make it work is to do just that - MAKE IT WORK. Forever is a long, long time. Lucky for us, we feel confident that beyond the golden years, we'll still be together, holding hands and looking back on silly things we argued over, and how they made us stronger. That was Eric's advice to me in my worried state of mind the other night - it's not how many arguments we have, it's the fact that we get through them together and come out closer and stronger; another obsticle overcome.
In a very appropriate Lauren-Eric world, allow me to reference Boy Meets World; Topanga was worried to make a life commitment to Corey because her parents were getting a divorce, and she believed all hope for true love was gone. She was worried to ever cause Corey the pain she saw her parents going through - until she talked to her mother. She explained to Topanga that although she was no longer married, and that yes, the divorce was rough, she would have rather been married and divorced, than to never had experienced the love she shared with Topanga's father; that if she knew they would end up divorced, the years they spent together, happy, were well worth it. As the old saying goes: it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. So, Topanga agreed to marry Corey, by saying: "here's to the rest of our lives, or until tomorrow".
Eric and I are not enterting this marriage thinking "Hey! Let's give this a shot and if it doesn't work out, there's always divorce"; we are getting married to make a life long commitment to each other, however, neither of us can predict the future. We can only hope for the best, try our hardest, and know that every moment spent together is worth it. I love him with all my heart, trust him unconditionally, and know he feels the same in return. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us, and to see how we over come each obsticle thrown our way.
So, goodbye wedding jitters; here's to the countdown - to the wedding, to forever.

Problems to be worked through

So, as the "who works harder" arguments simmer down, we move on to our next common disagreement; our work out schedules.

Eric has signed up to work with a trainer 3x a week after work, and luckily, 2 of the 3 nights, I am at work while he's at the gym, so we don't miss out on that much time together. The hard part? Trying to squeeze my work out schedule somewhere in there, too. Is it more important to have the extra time together? Or for me to have an equal amount of time to exercise as well?

Wednesday night is my night to hit the gym. I have the option to leave Lyla in the child care center of our YMCA, or also to leave her home with Eric after work. I am grateful for this night "off" as I call it (seeing how it's nearly the only break I get from motherhood), but after previously running 5-6 times a week, one 1-hour trip to the gym per week doesn't really cut it. Not to mention, we have this small thing called a wedding coming up in just over 6 weeks...Crunch time, people!

When I brought this up to Eric, I expected him to be indifferent about it, since he had 3 days to work out and I only had 1; I didn't feel I was asking for much. The day I preferred, he preferred as well. Then there was the argument about this being more time apart from each other during the week, which, yes, was my primary argument when he mentioned working out 3x a week instead of just the 2 nights I was at work. So in his opinion, me adding a work out day is just another wasted hour that could be spent together. True, but I'm in this wedding too. Hot Bride? Yes please. 2nd gym night, added.

When the discussion of a possible weekend work out came up as well, I seemed to have crossed some line. In his opinion, I'm cutting more time away from each other. In my opinion, this one day per weekend will only equal his work out days, and I could even run before he is awake, cutting out no time. Fine, but now he wants to work out on the weekend because I can, too. Fair? To him, yes. To me? I'm not sure. I am glad he is eager to work out because it's a great thing for him, and he's always in a good mood afterwards. But if his argument was about time together, why would he run off to the gym on weekends when he already had his 3 days, just because I may have gone for a quick 30 minute run?

I cannot wait to look back at these blogs, and laugh about what "silly" problems we once had. We always seem to work through things, and I'm sure these will be things to move on from, too. But hey, that's what blogs are for, right?