Marriage - one year in

This last year has been anything but calm.
We moved - twice. We planned and had a wedding.We dealt with Lyla's terrible 2's. We survived pregnancy. We traveled. And we went from a family of 3 to a family of 4 with little commotion. Despite all the changes and chaos that was thrown our way, somehow, Eric and I made it out alive - and with very few arguments. If they say the first year it the hardest, then bring on the next 50.

I'm actually always surprised at our ability to overcome conflicts, because Eric and I both tend to be very stubborn people. You figure: you get two headstrong individuals in an argument, and neither of them will back down. This had been the case in a few spats prior to our wedding, but somehow marriage changed that. We vowed to spend our lives together, and it's not worth losing each other over such tiny speed bumps - I'm sure hills and mountains will be in store for us sometime in the road ahead. I've previously blogged about our love and our honesty, which definitely help make up the glue that keeps us together. But I think the thing I respect the most in our marriage is our ability to be vulnerable, to back down, and to apologize.

Everyone argues. It's inevitable. The thing that sets us aside from everyone else is our willingness to overcome whatever it is we're arguing about. We recognize quickly that we don't want to be fighting, and take quick steps to work it out. We both express ourselves on the situation, and then proceed to both apologize. I think this is the key. One of us may apologize for upsetting the other, and the other may apologize for reacting the way they did. When we both apologize, we both feel heard and healed, and can move on. I really respect Eric's ability to back down, because for the typical testosterone-driven male, this is difficult. And I'm sure he respects this of me, knowing how set in my ways I can be. It's give and take. It's sacrifice. It's what needs to be done. We have a lifetime together and need to choose our battles wisely. Our vulnerability to each other is, I think, what keeps us strong, happy, and so in love.

When Hannah arrived, I thought we would get in endless fights; between the lack of sleep and the added stress, I figured we'd have a serious rough patch. I'd need help when he got home from work but he'd be tired, too. We'd go back and forth over who worked harder, who was up more during the night, who cooked, who cleaned, and we would be done for. What really happened was a total shock. We got along even better. We became selfless. He helped more with the household chores knowing how tired I was, and I put any extra energy I had into giving my husband a well deserved back or foot rub to show my appreciation. Since our time was split between the girls, any time we did get together we cherished and had a deeper appreciation for. Looking at Hannah and knowing she is ours, "made in Mexico" on our honeymoon, out of love - this just bonded the two of us in a way I didn't know was possible. I'm still waiting for the storm to come, because it feels unreal for things to be going this smoothly being newly weds with a toddler and newborn.

All in all, this last year has been long, but amazing nonetheless. I feel so lucky to have married someone who loves me for who I am, and respects me enough to work through any problem we will face. We've got a good thing going here :)