When I first moved to Fairhaven, the only people I knew were my husband's family. I was 21 with an 18 month old, and struggled to make friends of my own. Everyone my age had a very active social life filled with bar hopping and drug dabbling - neither of which I could partake in my situation. My fiancé (at the time) and his mother would talk to friends and pretty much set up "dates" for me - appreciated, but awkward. Before I moved, I had lived in Worcester my entire life. I grew up with the same group of friends, that naturally morphed into more friends as we transitioned through school. Now, in my 20s and in a new town for the first time ever, I realized just how strange the concept of making friends as an adult really is - especially in my case.
Ideally, I wanted to friend people my age, but since their typical day was likely not spent at a playground or watching Mickey Mouse Club House, I would tend to seek out other mothers - and since the majority of them didn't have their first child at age 20, they were generally older than me. I set up play-dates with mothers I would meet at the local gym, library, or playgrounds, and faked my way through small talk while our little ones ran around together. These moms are what my husband and I refer to as "fake friends"; someone you get together with not because you necessarily want to, but because it's better than nothing, and was beneficial to your child. However, as time went on and I became more involved with the community, Eric's friends, and exercising, I developed some real friends - who I liked and hung out with regardless of their age, marital status, or number of children.
As a young(er) adult, I was primarily friends with guys. But making new guy friends as a married, adult women is next to impossible. I had thought about approaching guys at the gym and seeking out running partners or even a married/taken guy to double date with - but how do you even go about that? If some guy came up to me in the gym - married or not - and asked me about going for a run, there's no way I wouldn't think I was being hit on. And then there's another issue: play dates with other kids - and their dads. You think this would be a "safe-zone"; someone who is married, looking for friendship for themselves and playmates for their kids - just like me! But when I asked my husband about his comfort with this potential situation, I was surprised to hear that it's not something he'd be cool with. However, when he asked me to flip-flop the situation and think of him having play dates with some woman and her kids who I didn't know, I had to admit I wasn't comfortable with the idea, either.
So how the hell do you make more friends when most people your age are in a totally different stage in their lives, and you don't want to cross any lines of inappropriateness with your spouse? I suppose this is one of the reasons I was eager to get a part-time job: at least there is hope for co-workers you will like!
Making friends; such a strange concept.
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