Chapter 2

After leaving Ben, I noticed an immediate change in myself. Despite the new stresses of living under my mother's roof and rules, the never ending accusations coming from Ben, and going from being totally supported financially to making it on my own, I was happy. I felt strong for working up the courage to admit that I was unhappy, and for leaving. The term "weight off your shoulders" never had more significance; I LITERALLY felt lighter. All around, I just felt BETTER. I found an inner peace with this revealed truth, and being honest with my friends, family, and self just felt so good. What made this truely rewarding was the effect I saw it have on my 10 month old daughter.
With my head now clear, I could focus more on Lyla. I found a great deal of patience along with this new inner peace, which I dare say made being a single parents much easier than an unhappy cohabiting one. Lyla smiled more, ate better, and even began sleeping through the night. She had her mommy back, and I was all hers.
I did, however, have a plan for dating. For once, I would not go looking for Mr. Right, or anyone for that matter. I had this long elaborate plan of dating several people over the course of the next few years, going on at least 100 dates with someone before I dare called them my boyfriend, and only then would I even dream of being intimate with that person. I wanted to be sure that the next person I devoted any of my precious time with would be "the one", because when you are a 21 year old single mom who just moved in with your mother, you have a new set of priorities. But, with dating pushed to the back of my head, Lyla was right in front. And then Eric came over.
Eric and I met, at the time, just over 3 years ago at a club in Providence. We had exchanged numbers, but with both of us in and out of relationships, we found it hard to ever have the chance to hang out, and so we kept in touch via instant messenger and facebook. I had talked to Eric about thoughts of leaving Ben when I was still living with him, and Eric actually encouraged me to stay. However, that didn't happen. What did happen was an opportunity for us to finally hang out, since neither of us were in relationships. I told him how my daughter was my first priority, and that although I wasn't opposed to hanging out, I didn't want anything more. So, we had chatted about getting together to run; I figured this would be something healthy we could do together as friends. Well, that didn't go as planned either.
Eric came over for the first time on the 4th of July. I made sure it was after Lyla was in bed, since I hardly found it appropriate to be introducing her to someone even I barely knew. My mother stayed home and listened for the baby monitor, while Eric and I walked up to the neighborhood playground and sat on the swings. I told him my plan to date a few people before I settle on just one. I told him about the 100-date rule. I also told him about my fear; I felt SO unhappy when I was with Ben, that I feared anyone who came along would seem perfect after that. But it turns out, Eric was pretty perfect. And after a few weekend hang outs and a trip to Maine with my mom, Eric shot my 100-date rule to shit when I said yes to being his girlfriend.